Getting angry is allowed!

Emotions & Emotional Intelligence Relationships

To be angry, to be upset, to see red, to fume, to seethe with rage… To blow your top, go ballistic, to swear and curse and smash everything around or be threateningly silent. But being able to be angry “well” is a gift that can also be learned. So, let's be nice to each other, let's get angry.

The first cry is the first sign of anger.

You may not realize it, but we get angry from the moment we are born. We are angry because the peace and order of nine months have been replaced by a chaotic unknown. In the first days, weeks and maybe even months of our lives, malice is allowed. When babies are upset, the reaction to their anger is usually soothing and hugging. The mother does everything to figure out why her baby is so angry and how best to help.

"Control your anger."

But as we grow older, our reactions to our anger change. Toddlers may suddenly shout at their mothers or limit their anger and suppress their reactions. "Don't have a temper tantrum," "Don't throw toys," "You can't scream here," "Don't hit other kids." Our anger suddenly takes on a new dimension - we receive a lot of information about when and where it is not allowed. When and where our anger does not fit. We have a lot of information about how our anger affects others. For the rest of our lives, we learn when and how we can or cannot get angry. 

So, what about our anger?

It is one of the most natural emotions, one of the most basic. It can also be observed in animals, in our pets, and we probably understand why our dog suddenly barked or the cat bared its claws. It's a signal that the calm is over and something is bothering us. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's a clear message about how we feel at the moment.

Is anger good for anything?

What is natural for us cannot always be merely bad. Our anger does provide us with a lot of information. Whether about ourselves - we often get angry with ourselves, about what we have said, done, how we react - or about the environment in which we find ourselves. Let's just remember how many times we got angry at the people around us, even at the things around us. Maybe because we can't find them, or they don't work or they have betrayed us in some way.

Anger is human.

Of course, a lot depends on the way we express our anger, its strength and its consequences. And frequently just admitting that we are upset can be very difficult for someone. In general, it's hard to be angry at those we love, at our children, at the boss - even at God, because He doesn't answer our questions. We do want to be decent adults and being angry like little children is inappropriate. It's hard because we've heard the enjoinder to “control your anger” since childhood. And so, we just stopped.

Just because we're not angry doesn't mean we don't mind.

3 steps to good anger:

  1. Let's face it, we are sometimes entitled to it. Anger is a natural feeling.
  2. Let's look at the reasons why we are upset. Our anger is information about ourselves.
  3. Let's learn to talk about it and be angry so as not to hurt others.

Anger brings relief.

We know the moments when we decide to tell others that something is bothering us and why. We may know the moment when others accept and understand our anger. Then we can again feel like the little babies that were soothed by mother and the anger turned into calm. Maybe joy can come, which may sound like a paradox. But perhaps we had a good fight, when we were carried away by rage, and after the catharsis, the air cleared and the relationship remained intact. There is no better feeling than banging on a vending machine (because it took the money and the drink did not fall out) and then two drinks fall out. If we didn't get upset, we wouldn't get such a reward!

But a named source of anger, its reasons, and how we deal with it can also purify the air and set up a new way of behaving and living.

Anger in others is the essence of many comedies, its manifestations can make us laugh. We can watch other nations and others work with their rage. After all, it is obvious why the Italians are honking, the Americans are cursing and the Japanese are stubbornly silent. All these forms are natural and healthy for these nations.